So right before the holidays, I got some disappointing news that didn’t really surprise me.

It turns out that an organization to which I was previously employed for many years and gave too much of my heart and soul to, doesn’t want to touch me with a ten-foot pole.

Their standard email rejection speaks of the number of candidates, blah, blah, blah…. I mean, really, what is the point of a performance review? Is it truly just so an organization can track those whom they want to fire? In my experience, having really good ones does not lead to raises or promotions (or hire backs). And if the hirings and promotions hinge primarily on how well one can score on a twenty minute panel interview with five questions and three people taking notes – no follow up questions or conversations – what does that truly reveal about an organization that would chose to hire that way? And is it any wonder that turn-over would be high?

I know that it’s a blessing in disguise and that the whole organization is at the cancerous stage of eating itself. I knew this when I applied. And yet, I miss doing storytimes and finding answers to interesting questions. It seemed straight-forward when I saw the job posting. But I forgot, that my path is very rarely straight-forward.

I know that there are other avenues and pathways forward for me. This experience has activated an idea for some video stories I hope to create soon with the help of my son. And by writing it down, I am committing to try. The worst that will happen is that no one will watch it. Been there. But considering that one of my son’s video’s has over a thousand views, I’m hoping he can help me reach a few more than my usual three or four.

So am I done with public libraries? It seems I am for now, as I have no intentions of moving again for a good long while. And even though I’m an approved presenter with my local library system, I no longer wish to offer services to them. If I am no longer good enough to work full-time with them, then we’re done.

Plus, they are crap about paying in a timely manner. I held my first (and only) program with them on Dec 5th, sent an invoice on the 9th (after first having a librarian look at it to make sure everything looked right), and I still haven’t been paid. I guess they’re waiting for the new year – probably for budget reasons.

I know that I have been learning and growing and taking scary risks to do so. I will not take this news as anything other than a blessing by a pagan goddess. I have outgrown this organization as well as the model on which it is based.

I’m looking forward to seeing how I will stretch my wings in 2025. I hope to find like-minded people who will be able to recognize some of my amazing skills and abilities and want to work with me and pay me fairly.