Has left me feeling a bit bummed this morning.

I reached out to someone that I thought I was working collaboratively on a project a couple of weeks ago. I wanted to check in with her because I hadn’t heard from her this year. The last I had heard from her, she was going to get some illustrations to me in January. (Which she never followed up on, and I was busy with Long Island life, so I didn’t reach out to her until recently. I guess that should have been a red flag right there.)

This is for a picture book project that I approached her about in March of 2023. It’s an alphabet book for this part of Arizona. As a children’s librarian in Southern Arizona, I definitely noticed a lack of alphabet books highlighting this area. I’ve seen awesome alphabet books for New York City, the Rocky Mountains, the seashore, the Pacific Northwest, but not for the Sonoran Desert.

While I can be good at rhyming and knew what imagery I wanted to portray, I let my drawing skills go a long time ago and wanted to find someone else to do the illustrations.

I reached out to people I knew, to see if I could find someone to work with – preferably local and with a love of the area. Someone who might understand my reasoning for trying self-publishing. I guess I was partially looking for an ally. And I thought I found someone.

But a year and a half is a long time in which someone’s priorities can change. I was hoping for a project partner. I remember in the couple of sit downs that we actually had (in 2023) talking about collaboration, about receiving an offer of guidance from someone, and sharing that I was learning as I go. But I guess we didn’t have enough check in points along the way. She sent me some drafts that I thought were awesome. We communicated about imagery. She had full access to my words throughout this entire process through a shared document.

Her most recent text in response to my desire to check in on the project was: I’m out of town, busy, and hope you can pay me $15-20 per page.

So I’m basically tabling this project for now. I feel like coming back at her with a charge for letting her use my words for inspiration. But I won’t, because I remember my why.

I do believe in fair compensation which I why I am still considering self-publishing. But I won’t be working with this artist/ illustrator because we have different priorities, trajectories, and expectations.

However, this experience has also opened up a new consideration for finding an established publisher to work with.

Does anyone know any established book publishers looking to print an alphabet book focused on the Sonoran Desert? The kids of this area deserve one and I’ve got a manuscript ready to go.