Early Wednesday morning I had a dream that I was wandering around a very famous writer’s estate. I sometimes ran into another person or people that I knew and often went off searching for my son – who kept wandering off. At some point I found and followed the writer to his very out of the way office/ chatting area with a fireplace. He was very kind and I don’t remember what we talked about before I felt the need to go search for my son again.

I don’t often remember my dreams when I wake, but this one came back to me. I hadn’t been feeling well the night before and had gone to bed earlier than usual. I still didn’t feel great on waking, so I called in sick for my very short work shift. Actually, I texted my coworkers that I was sick. I tried to call into my job, but it was still apparently experiencing the same network issues that had started the day before. The phone wasn’t letting me leave any messages.

Later in the day I had a therapy session. It was the third session I’ve ever had in my life and likely my last. When I factor in all the coordination necessary into making and going to the appointments, there does not seem to be a great enough benefit for me to keep going. Also, I don’t feel like it’s for me…. but I’m glad I tried it.

Ironically, minutes before my session began I received a voicemail from my son’s school about some health related issue. I chose to put on my own air mask first and didn’t call back until after my session. It’s ironic because the main reason I sought out therapy has to do with the the stress of being a single parent (with no help from the other). Also job stress. So in the back of my mind I have the nagging voice wondering what’s going on with my son….

Apparently, the school’s health assistant had become concerned when my work number didn’t allow her to leave a message. She called at least a couple of people on the emergency contact list. He had gotten bitten by another kid and it broke the skin a little. I thought it was going to be a call about the flu… This is the second time in a month that he has gotten bit at school. The first time was because he was playing a game called “vampire (and zombie”) with a bunch of friends – a variation of tag. This was a much more serious incident. A frenemy did him seriously wrong.

Anyway, I came to the realization half way through the session that this is not something I need to pursue. Between listening to inspiring audiobooks, reading Danish parenting books, remembering to take at least 10 minutes a day to do some conscious breathing…. I think have have my bases covered. However, I think I do need to add more risk and vulnerability to my life right now. Who knows? This may be what I was talking about with Famous Writer. So I shall consciously try to keep doing that here. Just by posting more.

It is hard to keep up momentum at times….

But I think this is where I need to focus right now.