A while ago, I re-posted a blog I wrote for the people I work with about resilience and vulnerability. So while I had the idea that this website and blog (Woven Bits) would mainly focus on my weaving and transitioning from my current profession to one of my own creation, the universe seems to be suggesting to me that I open myself up to other possibilities.

The tagline to my site says – weaving life, one strand at a time. Lately, most of my life not devoted to my work or child has not been focusing on what I would prefer to. Instead, my child’s father has insisted on inserting himself into my life in obnoxious and harmful ways. So, before I can move on and focus on what I want to do, I have to focus on moving on from this dude.

I wrote a bit about this obnoxiousness in my last post. The thing I didn’t mention was that I have also been receiving inappropriate cards and notes with the items he leaves for my son. Sometimes these notes are even addressed to my son. Postcards referencing the Russian space dog Laika as well as demons and who knows what. The one time my son got to one of these before me and asked me to read it to him, he ended up just tossing it in the trash. I want to toss everything into the trash, but I haven’t. The one thing I have learned over the years is the importance of documentation. So I’ve been shoving these into a folder in case I need to refer to them. I most likely will need to refer to them – if I end up trying to get a protective order – which I have been considering. I have also been considering jumping through all the legal hoops so that he can never be considered as a guardian in the future. Arizona state law is pretty jacked when it comes to “father’s rights”. And of course since I am a single mom with a child who has not yet started kindergarten, any extra money I have goes towards preschool costs. (This country can do so much more to help it’s citizens – I am full on in support of universal preschool and medical care coverage for all Americans). So it’s not like I’m ready to just dive right into any legal cases – just because of the cost. I really want to tear down the patriarchal system that has been in place for far too long on this planet. It’s killing us all.

Anyway, I wrote Jeff a letter as a written warning that he needs to back off and stop coming to my house. It’s creepy and I’m starting to feel unsafe. I know he his in an incredibly dark place and he seems to think that his creepy behavior is perfectly acceptable. I need a place to process all this going on in my life, so I’m going to do it here. It may not be directly related to my future goals, but I have to get through it before I can focus on getting to my future goals. I figure he will likely get the letter today. And I’m a bit apprehensive about what tomorrow will bring.

I’ve been reading/ listening to Jen Sincero’s You Are a Badass. I like her voice and I think she’s funny. I’ve also listened to this one recently. I am actively been trying to change my life into something new and part of that process is letting go of old practices, habits and people who are no longer serving me well. The difficult element in all of this is my son. He still loves his dad very much. But his dad is getting left behind, because his dad can’t do the basics to be able to see him.

So this is me being vulnerable about what elements have been woven into my life lately.

I plan to post some poems I wrote over the past couple of months soon. But today I want to end on an upbeat note with a picture.

My cat seems totally unimpressed by the finished bag for my son.