Life has been challenging lately. Summer is always challenging. The heat is one challenge (although this has been a strangely cooler June than usual). The other major challenge is that my job gets pretty stressful in the summertime. I work in a public library in Midtown Tucson. It is a small but mighty branch that is heavily used by the community.

It’s an awesome place to work and we offer a lot of great programs for the community.  But we are busting at the seams with people during the summer. I think my manager referred to our branch today as the most heavily used per square foot in our library system. It is not an easy place to work. Some days it is really quite hard. We’ve been understaffed most of the time I’ve been at the branch full time ~ about 5 years. The few weeks we have been fully staffed have been challenging as well. Our building is so small the our back room does not have enough work stations for all of the full time people who work here. We’re supposed to get an expansion, but that is years away from happening. Working here requires a stamina that I am finding difficult to maintain. Maybe I just need a really decent vacation.

Life at home has been challenging as well. My son’s father had a second major breakdown at the beginning of May. (The first happened years before we met). He had stopped taking his meds months ago and had been drinking really heavily. I felt like an idiot for not picking up cues earlier; however, he is very good at hiding himself from others. He put me in a very awkward situation at work and has been sucking my energy (like a vampire) for weeks.

I tried to be supportive at first – encouraging him to get into therapy and allowing him to still come by to spend time with his son, even after he flaked and no-showed on him on more than one occasion. (He has never once invited his son into his own place). When he was finally sober enough to be present one night I sat down with him and told him exactly how angry I was with him. (This was the day after he had gotten out of therapy and immediately fallen off the wagon – on the first day). And because I told him how angry I was, he has been very mean spirited towards me. His son sees it. “He’s nice to me, but he’s not nice to you,” he stated one evening. And he doesn’t want to see his father until he’s better.

But his dad keeps coming by and leaving gifts for him when we are not home. A couple of evenings ago, we came home and found 20 plastic zebras lined up in the carport. Why would any one child need that many zebras? There was also an army of small plastic bears lined up in front of the door. Last night felt really creepy, though, because he left things between the time I got home from work and before the babysitter left. The sitter’s son immediately found the items when he stepped out of the house. And they weren’t there when I came in.

So when I saw the news article last week about the Irish island of Arranmore inviting Americans and Aussies to come live there, I started thinking about it. I’ve had a fascination for Celtic cultures for most of my life. I’m not sure if I will pursue it or not. It wouldn’t be immediately, but I keep thinking about it. Part of what I’ve been thinking about is what kind of work I could do virtually. And how to transition into working for myself. This website and blog is a part of that process, but I feel like there is a bigger piece that I have not yet grasped. I have a lot of interests and skills and it is hard to find the thing that I feel I should focus on first.

And my bold ideas? Well the thought just occurred to me that if I’m working for myself, I don’t have to limit myself to one thing. Anyway, I signed up for a webinar next week about becoming a virtual assistant. This might be the key to a door that has been locked for me. A starting point or path. We will see….